Groin Pinched On Boat As Poseidon Exacts His Godly Revenge

“Oh my gosh, look! You’ve got it!”

That’s the mom in this video talking, and she happens to be speaking to her daughter, who is grasping (for reasons unknown) a live, angry, flailing crab. But she could just as easily be talking to the crab, who, sensing his moment like an understudy on opening night, locks onto dead dad’s groin like a ball-seeking missile. The video cuts off shortly thereafter, which is probably for our benefit more than poor old dad’s; the damage, it would seem, has been done. That America’s Funniest Home Videos has found increased relevance in our digital age, as actual videos have become ancient relics, is of little comfort to dad we are meant to assume. He is far too busy icing his groin, and selling his boat. Groin ho and dad overboard!