Lionel Messi Wins Record Fourth Golden Ball

Ah, the Ballon d’Or. The illustrious Award of the Golden Ball is as venerated an international soccer tradition as being extradited on corruption charges or working foreign slaves to death. But when the novelty of creating billions of dollars in infrastructure (that will sit unused by children’s parties and KISS tours just a year after opening) wears off, an awards show is probably the next best thing.

Since the award’s inception in 2010, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo have handed the Ballon d’Or back and forth, interrupting the others’ reign as best footballer whenever they begin their own. Only Spanish soccer star Xavi has received so much as 2 third place votes since 2010, emphasizing Messi and Ronaldo’s domination of the sport at its highest levels.

This so-called golden ball may not prevent pregnancy, but it looks pretty nice on the mantle, at least.