Relax, Playing With Balls Is Not The Key To Great Abs

Although it seems like a long time ago now, words used to have meaning. You could use these words to communicate with people, and they would know what you were trying to say because of a mutually agreed upon societal pact governing the deployment of our shared language. That time is now dead.

“Lifehack”, to the extent that it ever had any obvious meaning to begin with, used to be interpreted a bit more literally. In those days, a lifehack would be a tip or trick or bit of inside knowledge, something not obvious to the layperson, that would improve their productivity or lifestyle somehow. Now it means “don’t forget to poop”. The key words are even capitalized, so you know they’re important. SEX.

Sadly, “playing with balls” will not help you lose weight, or else every man on Earth would be a fitness model. Nor will jamming a bunch of blueberries into a blender cup. As always, the only “hack” is to eat better and exercise more. Those aren’t shortcuts or secrets — they’re rules. Of course, rules are not quite as sexy as lifehacks.