We’ve written before about the “iron eggs” technique, a series of kung fu exercises that let you harden your nuts to deflect any attacks. It’s pretty much the apotheosis of what we teach here at the Ball Report – having such pure awareness of your testicles that you can do anything with them. No, we don’t expect any of you reading this to learn it, but it’s definitely worth learning about.
Here’s a helpful link on the exercises used to give yourself iron balls. Basically, it involves increasing blood flow and flexibility in the region. You can watch the video above to see exactly how that’s done, but if you want a spoiler, they do it by whacking themselves in the groin over and over, first with flat hands, then fists, and then 2x4s. Finally they rig up a bizarre system involving a rusty swingset and what looks like a flowerbox full of bricks to give our dude one last massive impact to the nuts.
Is it all worth it? Hard to say. These guys don’t seem to be feeling any pain from their multiple testicular impacts, but we question whether the sensitivity is decreased for other, more important things. The literature isn’t clear on whether iron egg masters can still have sex like us normal folks. Maybe one day we’ll find out.Get your balls in the game! Donate to the Sean Kimerling Foundation to win the battle against testicular cancer.