Testicular Cancer is Not So Bad, According to Some Guy

testicular cancer

Testicular cancer is a serious medical issue, and despite the fact that we have quite a bit of fun with balls here at The Ball Report, there is a time and a place for that sort of tomfoolery. We weren’t consulted about this article for GQ, “I Had Testicular Cancer and It Wasn’t That Bad”, but if we were, we would have suggested that a men’s publication with an estimated audience of 7,000,000 people might not be the place. And “Movember” would maybe not be the time!

Of course, joking about things is one way to raise awareness, and, again, as “The Ball Report”, we understand that sometimes it’s appropriate (and, more importantly, effective) to take a more casual approach to topics that demand a wide audience. But, as experts in the field, this piece seems a bit too far? It’s ham-handed, at the very least:

If you’re going to get cancer, testicular cancer is definitely the way to go.

Sadly, cancer does not work that way, but the sentiment is at least obviously tongue-in-cheek. More distressingly, though,

The first question people always ask is, how did I know I needed to go in? That something was wrong? Let me tell you: you know. I was on a flight back home to L.A. Marley & Me tugged at my heartstrings, but the tears in my eyes were the result of the hellscape in my pants. It felt like someone was slowly squeezing my balls and wouldn’t let go.

This excerpt is a bit too glib for our tastes, but the real oddity is how the writer describes his symptoms. Every person is different, but it strikes us as short-sighted, if not downright irresponsible, to suggest that “you know” when you have cancer. While that may have been Jason Kessler’s experience, that fact hardly qualifies it to be legitimate medical advice for anyone else.

The fact of the matter is, you will likely not know if and when you should see a doctor about a tumor or irregularity; testicular cancer is, like most if not all cancers, sadly, not so considerate. Frequent self-exams and regular, age-appropriate check-ups are the only preventative tools we have right now, so make use of them. You can’t depend on an in-flight epiphany or, evidently, a men’s magazine to save your life.