The Balls Contest Has Declared A Wiener!

You might remember an announcement of The Balls Contest from a while back, but if not, here’s a quick refresher.

In a follow-up to the World’s Most Beautiful Vagina contest, in which submissions were analyzed and graded to determine which lucky lady would have her genitalia turned into a sex toy, inventor Brian Sloan decided he’d do for nuts what he had done for pussies. The Balls Contest was born.

Now, after flipping through over 250 submissions of nuts, balls, and groins of every shape and size, Sloan has released an exhaustive amount of data on The Balls Contest. It is uploaded for your perusal at, and here are some highlights from the .

The Balls Contest determined no clear favorite in terms of ball style, a problem for Sloan’s marketing team to figure out when it comes to selling the realistic molded products.

  • Voters did not find any of the 6 classes to be more visually appealing than another; the data showed that voters found all scrotum styles equally unappealing. All 6 classes of scrotums received average scores ranging from 3.35 to 3.6 out of 10 compared with 4.3 to 5.3 out of 10 for vulvas.

The US and Taiwan were big participants, and displayed the most variety.

  • Entrants were spread around the world. Particularly prevalent is the participation of the United States, Taiwan, United Kingdom and Canada. Only the United States and Taiwan showed a representation of every style. The Balls Contest, with submissions from 35 countries, was more international than The Vulva Contest, which received submissions from only 21 countries.

Nude snaps were least popular by a significant margin, while through-the-zipper shots narrowly edged out the underwear variety.

  • (The evidence for this one is purely photographical, so just click the link if you’re curious)

Voters tended to view and rate a few dozen ball sacks at a time, but on the whole, they were consistently rated as less attractive, as a group, than the vulvas from The Vagina Contest. We all think nuts are ugly.

  • On average, each voter rated 31 photos, and each photo received 2,362 votes. The winner received an average rating of 6.4, and only eight entrants obtained an average score above 5. In contrast, the winner of the vulva contest obtained an average rating of 7.7 and 95 entrants received a score equal or higher than 5…In contrast, vulva styles received average scores from 4.3 to 5.3….[V]oters predominantly voted “1” and few scrotums received any votes on the higher end of the scale.

    The results show that voters did not feel any particular scrotum class was more attractive than another; in fact they found all scrota to be nearly equally unattractive.

Sorry, boys. When it comes to The Balls Contest, we’re all losers.