There Are Ball Pythons In The Mail Now! Great


We all know that one friend who had a pet snake growing up, and it was never fun going over to their house when it was feeding time. Or maybe it was for you, and we’re just squirmish weirdos? Unclear. Nevertheless, we kind of assumed that all snakes originated at the pet store (the for sale ones, anyway), and that they got to the pet stores by, uh…some kind of dedicated snake shipper, maybe?

Well, we’re older now and since there are obviously no ads for Snake Courier USA in the online classifieds, where there are ads for things as niche as cooking and eating your penis with a buddy (disturbing content, but not graphic) we have come to realize that snakes travel around the world like any other package: through the mail.

This is disturbing for a number of reasons, not the least of which is how much of a bummer it must be for a snake to be surrounded by packing peanuts and jostled around a big brown truck for days on end, but also because ball pythons are not to be trifled with. They’re not like lizards or birds or crap like that! They may not be poisonous, but can grow up to 5 feet long and live to be 50 years old. They also can contain “high parasite loads”, which also sounds terrific.

Even for non-mailmen, it’s a bit unsettling to think that every time we pass a red flag on the street, it could be signaling the presence of a batch of ball pythons. Or a letter from grandma. Yikes!