Tiny Beach Balls Frustrate And Confound

Sometimes you can look at one of these little fake dogs — chihuahuas, poodles, teacup anythings — and if you stare hard enough, or if they’re feeling particularly primal in the moment, you can almost see the spirit of the wolf flickering behind their eyes. Because that’s what they are, deep down inside: an apex predator and murder machine that humanity has purposefully and efficiently shoved to the edge of existence. “Adapt or die,” we demanded of the wolf; now, we have these little pieces of crap to dress up and carry in our pockets.

It’s not all bad, of course. Chihuahuas and the like are pretty cute. They aren’t overly nice, generally, having for some reason been bred to be dicks to kids and other dogs hundreds of years ago. But you can have two of them on the same rug and make them run around an umbrella, playing with tiny beach balls.

That’s almost as good as preserving an ecosystem, when you think about it.