Guy Smokes A Lot Of Weed, Thinks He Has Testicular Cancer, And Goes On A Joyride


We here at the Ball Report live in a place where marijuana is legal. That said, weed can seriously do a number on your brain, as the story that follows will illustrate.

In June of this year, the quiet town of Spennymoor in County Durham, England was shocked when a young man named Matthew Dale tore his car through the center of town at speeds in excess of 90 miles per hour, nearly smashing into a bus full of autistic children before eventually ramming his Vauxhall Corsa into a parked car. A woman named Dawn Horniman was in that car, and the impact broke every rib on her right side, both of her wrists, and sent her into intensive care for two weeks.

When the police hit the scene, Matthew slipped the marijuana he had been carrying to a friend and claimed that he had been riding in the back seat, not driving. They quickly saw through his subterfuge and took him in on counts of reckless driving.

His legal team had a tough row to hoe coming up with an excuse for his vehicular mayhem, but what they presented was a doozy. Lawyer Cathy McCulloch told the court that Dale had smoked weed and taken eight Diazepam tablets and come under the delusion that he had testicular cancer. Instead of going to a doctor like an ordinary human being, he instead decided to try and kill himself by smashing his car into the Spennymoor war memorial.

McCulloch expected the court to believe that Dale, while speeding through town, changed his mind about the suicide thing because it would be “disrespectful” and just plowed into the parked car instead.

The judge wasn’t having any of it and sentenced Dale to three years in a Young Offenders Institution. Let that be a lesson for you: don’t let testicular cancer be an excuse for bad behavior.