Ping Pong Ball Smoke Is Not Good To Breathe

Do you ever sit around and think about all the waste in the world? Sometimes, when a package comes in, and you know it’s nothing important — just some bullshit you added onto your order to get free shipping, like another HDMI cable or something — it’s hard not to look out the door at the delivery guy jogging to his massive truck full of other nonsense purchases and realize that piece of rubberized copper started on the other side of the world. That’s a lot of effort to get something not that useful or important to your doorstop, you know? It makes a man feel guilty.

So we recycle and plant trees and buy more fuel-efficient cars (which we still drive everywhere, but still) and hope to offset some of our rampant consumerism. Maybe some of it works, and maybe some of it doesn’t. It’s hard to say.

What definitely doesn’t work, from an environmental perspective, is buying a bunch of plastic, taking it out of other plastic, wrapping it in an outrageous amount of aluminum foil, and setting it on fire in the woods surrounded by a bunch of flammable brush. This stroke of genius — or madness, depending on whether or not you, too, are a CrazyRussianHacker — is what gives us a massive, terrifying plume of ping pong ball smoke that we are explicitly advised not to breathe.

That part, at least, is a good idea.